Jo's Story
My lovely friend Jo also has an incredible story ...keep reading and be blessed!!
Testimony – The Long version – are you sitting comfortably?
Testimony – The Long version – are you sitting comfortably?
I am going to share my testimony as to how God came in to my life and the work he has and is doing within it. (I’ll try not to use jargon but if there are words or terms you are unsure of, please refer to the Questions and Answers section)
Here goes…
I grew up in a non Christian family without being Christened, as my parents decided to let us make our minds up when we were old enough. That said, they made it pretty clear they didn’t want any ‘ruddy bible bashers’ knocking at their door, thank you very much!! Something I think it would be fair to say remains unchanged even today (at least at this stage!).
Anyway, relationships between myself and my parents were always difficult and my father threw me out at 17. My mother later invited me home, but it didn’t work and I left just after my eighteenth birthday.
At this point my main priority was to buy a house, for I believed this would provide the security I longed for. However, once I did aged twenty two, I had no idea where to go from there, what to aim for or generally what to do with my life.
I continued a self destructive cycle of behaviour which began in my teens with smoking, getting drunk, using soft drugs and sleeping around, before moving on to hard drugs by the age of eighteen. Self esteem or worth were alien concepts to me.
After years spent in jobs I hated, I grew increasingly cynical, bitter and resentful. I wasn’t happy with my life but I lacked the courage and confidence to follow my dreams.
I experienced many depressions during which I would always be faced with the same questions – what was the point of my life, what was my purpose and why was I here? And time after time I failed to find any answers, instead trying harder and harder with the aid of alcohol, drugs and casual sex, to avoid these questions which continued to haunt me.
Anyway, three years ago my feelings of anger, disappointment, pain and despair rose to the surface and I was powerless to suppress them any longer. Basically, I had a bit of a break down, was signed off work and with the support of an amazing manager (he was a Christian) began the counselling I so desperately needed. A difficult but necessary time during which my drinking escalated further and I came scarily close to admitting myself to the psychiatric ward of the local hospital. But I didn’t.
After four months of listening, understanding and encouraging from my counsellor, I found the confidence to undertake a three week voluntary placement in India. Quite simply my life has never been the same since. (For more information see the India section within Travel)
During this trip to India I formed lasting friendships with one girl from Oz and one from NZ. Both are intelligent, amusing, thoughtful, sensitive individuals. So when the NZ girl told me she was a Christian, my first response was, “Are you taking the p*ss’?”. I could not believe for a minute that such a person could be a Christian. Furthermore when she spoke of her relationship with Jesus, aside from thinking she must be insane, I could not fail to notice how she lit up. My prejudice opinion of Christians as boring, thick and generally dull, was totally challenged.
Anyway, I came home and within a few weeks could not bare the meaninglessness of my life. What were my house, garden, car and job worth if I was unhappy with my work, life and relationships?
So with the help of my counsellor, I quit my job, got shot of everything, rented my house out and went travelling. I just knew I could not suppress my urge to see the world and experience other cultures any longer. I finally left in June 2005 and could hardly believe I was finally fulfilling the dream I had harboured for over ten years.
However, within a few weeks of travel I was back in to my old drinking and partying ways and really feeling pretty crap about myself. I had many good times too, met lovely people, saw beautiful parts of Gods creation and had many exciting new experiences. But after six months I sunk in to despair. All I could think was, ‘Why am I travelling? What do I want to get out of it? How do I want to use it after?’ and again I had no answers. At this point I felt afraid. As I had undergone counselling and was in the process of living my dream to travel, I just didn’t know what more I could do to help myself or to ease the horrible emptiness I felt.
Fortunately at this time I was invited to stay with Katie, the NZ girl I met in India, and her family over Xmas 2005. And once I spoke to Katie and her mum on the phone about this trip whilst I was still in Australia, I felt the most amazing sense of calm come over me. Like I was headed somewhere I would be able to be me. The real me. No more masks, no more pretending to be something I’m not to fit in, no more suppressing my real thoughts and feelings, no expectations of me, just a chance to be me. I just had the strongest sense I was going somewhere I was supposed to be going, to be with people I was supposed to be with. And I wasn’t let down.
Initially upon arriving with this family, I was apprehensive at the thought of spending Christmas with a bunch of Christians, especially as Katies mum is a minister. I wondered whether they would all sit round chanting from the bible or just being weird! Such was my naivety and ignorance on the whole subject of Christianity.
Anyway, my fears were unfounded for this family were the most inspiring witness to Jesus Christ. They didn’t preach at me, they didn’t force the bible on me, they didn’t demand I shared their faith, they didn’t insist I went to church, they didn’t force or expect me to do anything I didn’t want to. They didn’t criticise or put me down, they didn’t judge or look down on me. Instead they talked to me, listened to me, respected me and ultimately loved me. For being me. Nothing more, nothing less. They cared about what I thought and what I felt and they just accepted and loved me where I was at. There was such joy, such love, such laughter and such life in that family and I wanted to know where it came from and how they got it. Cos I seriously wanted some of whatever it was!
And so I went to church. Of course I had no intention of joining. I still believed I was far too intelligent and cool for that sort of nonsense. Plus I reasoned that I was a good person anyway so what did I need to be a Christian for? But I couldn’t resist going along for a little look. Which of course proved fatal!!! For once inside listening to the sermon I realised I had never heard so much wisdom before in my life. And many things just started to make sense in a way they never had before. Furthermore I heard myself laughing out loud at regular intervals throughout the sermon, despite constantly reminding myself I wasn’t supposed to be finding it enjoyable, much less funny. I mean I had always believed churches to be a humour free zone, but apparently not.
After the sermon as I spoke to members of the congregation I was again struck by this joy and security they had. How did they have it and where could I get some?? I really needed to know cos the main times I lit up like they did was when I had half a bottle of vodka down my throat or some cocaine up my nose. So I was very interested to discover how people achieved such joy naturally.
Following my two weeks with the family I left to tour NZ with an English friend, before enjoying a relaxing week in Fiji. During which I found myself regularly thinking ‘God thoughts’. Weird. Certainly not something I was comfortable admitting. But after this trip I knew I had to go back to this family and find out more.
Fortunately the family liked me enough to have me back and what was originally a two week stay turned in to eight months – praise God!! I loved it!!! And within my first week back I knew I wanted some of this Christian stuff, in fact I wanted to be a Christian.
As I had no idea how one went about becoming a Christian and was far too uncomfortable and embarrassed to even say the word Jesus, I waited until I went to a Christian festival. Here I listened to another incredibly spot on sermon after which there was an altar call – which means the preacher called people who wanted to make a commitment to Jesus Christ to come to the altar or stand up where they were and recite the commitment prayer with him. At which point I knew I was being called, I knew this was it, it was my turn and I was to fully acknowledge and accept Jesus in to my life and to commit my life to Him. As I stood up I experienced the most mind blowing rush of emotion flood through me and I could not stop beaming. It was like nothing I had ever experienced before. Quite simply, I had come home.
For the next two months I practically floated my way through life, I was falling in love. I even lost my appetite. (although I’m disappointed to say it later returned with a vengeance!). I couldn’t get enough of reading the bible and practically every story I read had me in tears. One of the first I read was the Prodigal son (Luke 15: 11-32) and although I didn’t relate that to being me at the time, I was blown away at the prospect of a father who didn’t stand waiting to reprimand or punish you for what you had done, instead just opening his arms and his heart to just loving you. And I cried and cried. It was as if my emotions had been reunited with my heart and despite years of numbing myself against everything I didn’t want to feel, I could suddenly feel again. I could feel every emotion so intensely. The whole range from joy, happiness, love and peace to sadness, hurt and pain. Finally I knew I was alive again. Re-born. And with that re-birth came a sense of security, identity and self worth I had never previously realised possible. What is more, after years of trying and failing to sort my drinking problem, God took this from me immediately. I don’t have to fight it anymore, in fact I don’t drink, smoke, do drugs or believe in sex before marriage. My mind and heart have and continue to be changed from the inside.
And much has happened since I made my commitment to Jesus, but that’s another story. Well, another several stories actually